Breaking the News

Third entry in a series of blogs to help those made redundant.

So you’ve been made redundant. It’s a shock, you probably feel angry, confused and worried. Worst of all you start to wonder how you are going to break the news to your partner and family.

I’ve been there and I remember how it felt. I was more upset about how my partner would feel when I told her than I was about the news itself. I also remember the intense turmoil of indecision, of whether to call or wait until I could tell her in person .

For me then; and it’s my advice today; don’t ring and tell the news. This is the type of news that should be given in person so that you can provide some comfort.

The only time I would suggest you ring is if the person might find out from someone else. It might be that you have a neighbour who works in the same company who might tell his partner; who might tell yours. In that instance I would suggest calling.

Whether over the phone or in person I would tell the news at the first opportunity. It isn’t going to get easier if you delay and  frankly, there is no good time to share this type of information.

What I would do is ensure that you and your partner are in a position to speak openly and freely. This is a conversation that might get emotional and that’s okay. You simply need to ensure that people have the space to vent their feelings.

Consequently I would try to have the conversation without children present and with as little chance of them interrupting as possible. I’m not a big fan of television for children but this is one of those times where putting on a film for them would be ideal.

If you come home and have to create the above space to speak then simply tell your partner that you have something serious to talk about and you want to do it without interruptions. To any children, explain that you need a few minutes to talk to mum or dad about some grown up stuff and please would they not interrupt you.

Once you have the space, give the news simply and directly. Tell them the outcome: redundancy – and then give them the all details as you have them. It’s bad news no matter how you spin it and whilst being made redundant can be a great career move (more on that in a later blog) at the time it only feels like bad news.

Do expect your partner to get upset and it’s okay to get upset yourself as you share the news. Find a common strength to go on. I know that many people, especially men of an older generation, were brought up not to show emotions. Nonsense I would say. Feel the pain, empathise with your partner and remember that no one has died. You still have a future and what you can take from this event is a desire to move forward into the future together.

Once you have shared the news with your partner decide how and when you are going to tell the children or other involved parties.

And once all the news sharing has been done I would suggest taking some time out to all be together. Have a family meal, play a game, watch a movie or simply sit and talk about other things. Find strength and comfort in each other.

Tomorrow is another day and tomorrow is when you can plan the rest of your future.

Until next time;

Stephen

Stephen Hart

This is the third in a series of blogs aimed at helping people who are facing redundancy. The other two were Surviving Redundancy and Marshalling Your Resources. All can be found in the Surviving Redundancy catagory.

Defining Beauty

Have you ever seen, or met, a natural leader – someone who had that pure leadership quality?

I have had that privilege; not often but I have had it. Those people make you stop in your tracks and take note of them. Now let me ask you. . .

Have you ever seen a beautiful man or woman? The type of natural beauty that stops you in your tracks and takes your breath away?

I hope so, for your sake I really hope so, for it’s a wonderful moment when it happens.

But do you realise that the beauty that stopped you in your tracks might have failed to turn my head even a little?  Your vision of loveliness might well be of no interest to me.

And here is the really interesting part: you could eulogise about your beauty, you could describe her in exquisite detail and wax as lyrical as Shakespeare and you probably wouldn’t change my mind.

This stems not from stubbornness on my part but rather from the fact that some things are defined by the observer and some things truly defy definition.

Beauty, like leadership, is one of those indefinable things. Just as you can recognise beauty when you see it you can also recognise leadership when you come across it.

Definition, not recognition, is the challenge.

This means that learning how to be a good leader is very difficult. Normally to learn a skill or a topic you break down the activity into its component parts and practice those, slowly evolving a procedure that blends all the components into the desired skill or topic. Naturally this means if you can’t come up with the component parts it makes it very difficult learning to learn the skill or activity.

And frankly this is where many ‘leadership’ courses go wrong. They attempt the impossible by creating a list of characteristics that people should adopt to become a ‘leader’.

Like specifying the characteristics of ‘natural beauty’, this is a flawed activity, as everyone’s definition will be different. Each leader needs to tap into their own strengths and decide how to use them effectively.

So is there hope or have I written this simply to pass on bad news? Well those who know me or have read my previous blogs will know that I attempt always to be positive so yes, I have an idea about learning, and developing, your leadership ability.

Consider that whilst all leaders have different personal attributes they all share one thing; they are all examples of something. The thing or attribute that they are an example of varies, it might be  ‘grace under pressure’, or ‘courage in the face of the enemy’ but the result is that their followers, those people who let themselves be led or influenced by the leader, see them as an example of something positive.

So consider your situation – in your assigned position what would you like your followers to do? Identify that and you identify what you need to be an example of.

I do a lot of work in the sales world where a sales manager’s first and most important job is universally to ensure sales are made. A sales manager must therefore be an example of a sales man. When he demonstrates that, (and how to do that will vary from role to role) he will be a leader to those on his team. So step one on your journey to being a leader is to identify what you need to be an example of.

Very likely in fact there will be a number of things you need to be an example of. It might be that your first step is to ask your team. What would they like to see you doing or getting involved in? Once you have a list of things I would approach it in the same way as any personal development; I would recommend that you develop each of those areas individually over time.

After all becoming a leader is a process not an event.

And when you see a beautiful person don’t try to break down the experience into components – simply enjoy the moment!

Until next time;

Stephen

Stephen Hart

Picture by Scott Nathan – with thanks.

Marshalling Your Resources

Companies don’t want to make people redundant. That’s never their aim. Circumstances force them to do so. Consequently many companies will be sympathetic to workers and want to help them.

Even in the unlucky event that a company doesn’t appear to want to care you should be able to find sympathetic people within the organisation who can help you.

As mentioned in Surviving Redundancy one of the first this things you must do is ask your company what support they can provide. In particular find out how long you can keep any company equipment such as phone, car, laptop etc.

This is one of those times where, assuming your really need it, I’d be perfectly willing to beg, please and call in favours. Once when I had been made suddenly redundant I found myself being asked to clear my desk and leave immediately.

As this happened at the height of summer I had the usual personal items plus a large desk fan that I had brought in myself. Not really wanting to carry this armful of items home on the bus I asked the divisional director, who had just made me redundant, for money for taxi fare – he obliged.

It’s a small example, and I’m not saying tap your boss for a loan, what I’m saying is call in favours if it is going to help you. Ask to keep the car for another week; to help you get to interviews or ask to use laptop to produce your cv.

Looking at the bigger picture coaches, like myself, and career management firms are available for hire by companies to provide support and advice to people who have been made redundant. If your company hasn’t brought in someone then suggest they do. Also if your company has one, talk to your human resources department about helping you start your job hunting.

Again if the company officially won’t help you speak to people within the business if looking for career advice ask one of the directors or senior managers if they would be willing to help you. If typing and laying out a CV is a problem then see if you can find a sympathetic administrator or secretary.

The simply fact is that you are in a crisis situation and you need to marshal your resources to help you come out a winner. So start with those resources immediately to hand – your company.

In my next blog on redundancy I will talk about how to bring the news of your redundancy  home- that will appear later this week.

Until next time;

Stephen

Stephen Hart

Picture by kind permission of Amanda Jones

Happy Birthday Doctor Who

“Imagination is more important than knowledge.”

Albert Einstein

Happy Birthday to Doctor Who the British TV show that is 45 years old today.

I’ve been a fan as long as I can remember and it has given me such entertainment and inspiration over many, many years.

So thank you; to all involved.

To last 45 years is not only a triumph of the efforts and dedication of so many talented people over the years but of imagination. That pure, brilliant substance that lies in all of us.

May The Doctor continue to travel for another 45 years in his Tardis and may all of us, the enriched viewers, find our own imaginations and be brave enough to act them out.

Until next time; thank you Doctor.

Stephen

Stephen Hart

Friday Challenge – People or Projects

A friend asked me to lunch the other day and I hesitated. I had some blogs to edit, some email to attend to and a couple of speeches that I wanted to develop. So I hesitated – then I said yes and I went to lunch.

And the reason I did is very simple; people are more important than projects.

Yes I’m developing an online presence via this blog, yes I have emails to send, yes the speeches are coming up but you know what – none of those activities had to happen that lunchtime and someone had been kind enough to want to spend time with me.

So I went to lunch, I had a great time, and the other matters got done later on.

We can get so wrapped up in our projects and our work that we forget that it’s the people in our lives that are important.

And we don’t have to wait for someone to ask us; we can do the asking.

Consider who you could take time out for, who you could take to lunch. Frankly it will probably mean more to them than your latest project and I guarantee you will get more from it.

This entry was going to finish with the above paragraph but as I edit it I think what a great Friday challenge – make time for someone; specifically take some one to lunch. Go on, see how much fun you can have!

Until next time;

Stephen

Stephen Hart

Desire is Infinite

“Desire is infinite; income is finite.”

I’m sorry to say dear reader that the above is more than a quote it’s a universal law.

There are more things in the world for sale than anyone can purchase. And the trouble with that statement is that it is a cold, hard logical statement and it gets trumped by the emotional rush triggered by the latest desired item!

Control of your finances, that state of nirvana where you control how much money you have and how much you keep (i.e. save), can be gained in a number of ways but perhaps the quickest and most direct is by controlling your desires.

It isn’t easy. Not only do you have to fight against human nature which drives us to explore and seek new experiences but also there is an army of highly educated and talented people employed directly to inflame your desire – marketing people!

Now this isn’t going to be a rant against marketing people. Indeed there is nothing wrong with marketing people at all. However you need to be aware of the purpose of their job, and it’s two fold – first it is to directly stimulate your desire and interest in their products and secondly it is to make you dissatisfied with what you currently own.

Consider this – have you ever bought something you already owned? If you’re shaking your head and muttering ‘of course not’ then let me ask you another question – have you ever purchased a mobile phone or a piece of jewellery? And the follow up question is. . .did you purchase either one of those items at a time when you already had either a phone or a piece of jewellery? (yes I’m trying to cover all readers here!)

Now I suspect the answer will be ‘yes’ from all of you over the age of fifteen.

Let me offer you a personal example here. I recently purchased a new pair of cuff links for $10 from ebay. Not a lot of money but it is now $10 that I don’t have. Instead what I have is a new pair of cuff links, which coincidently I am wearing as I type this.

Now when I’m not wearing them the cufflinks live in a box with my other cufflinks. Yes, my other cufflinks. I have about ten pairs of cufflinks so did I need another pair?

This is my first pair of red cuff links, they colour co-ordinate with my red ties, one of which I am wearing as I type this, so I can justify the purchase for that reason but let’s be honest…I bought them because I liked them.

And did I really need them? No. It was a desire, a small one to be sure, but still an unnecessary expense.

I have the option currently to purchase $10 cufflinks and it was a concious choice to purchase. And that’s really the key. I’m not saying don’t have desires and don’t buy things. I’m saying recognise your desires for what they are and make a concious descision based on both emotion and logic!

Doing this can fast track you to financial control which ultimately will lead you to financial freedom.

Until next time;

Stephen

Stephen Hart

Picture by Darius with thanks - and check out his comment on his picture…great minds think alike!

Surviving Redundancy

Redundancy is a plague that is sweeping the country. Companies make the headlines but it’s the people that suffer.

This is the first in a new series of twice weekly blogs in which I will be outlining strategies for surviving redundancy.

To begin at the beginning let me empathise with you. I can remember vividly each time I was made redundant. The shock and numb disbelief, the crushing realisation that despite being good at my job and working hard circumstances outside of my control had taken it away from me.

After the shock of the announcement two things always hit me. First, how was I going to tell my wife and second, how was I going to pay the bills?

What I have learnt over time, and it’s really the first lesson I would share with you, is it’s okay to have these feelings. It’s okay for a mature man, or woman, to be upset about losing their job and to be worried about what is going to happen next.

So be upset, be angry, hate the injustice and feel those feelings but don’t, and this is important, don’t let them blind you to the practical tasks ahead.

The very first practical task is to find out the exact details of your redundancy. When is it happening, how much will you be paid and when will you receive payment. And if you are in possession of company equipment e.g. car, laptop or phone you need to find out how long you can keep possession of those.

You should find out that information at the time they announce your redundancy. Make sure you get specific details. You want to know exact dates and amounts. Remember to always be professional and polite and consider if the person making the announcement is the right person with whom to discuss the decision. It might be that they are only the messenger not the decision maker.

Further to the previous point, if you ask the questions listed below consider who else you could ask. It might be that you personally know other senior people in the business who could help you. This is all about your future after all so consider all angles.

If you didn’t find this blog until after you had been made redundant there is no reason why you shouldn’t go back to your company and ask the following questions:

1. Why is this happening specifically to me?
2. How could the decision be overturned?
3. What circumstances would need to exist to have the decision overturned?
4. How far back would it be possible to delay the redundancy date?
5. What other roles are available within the company / group?
6. Who can I get a good reference from?
7. What support will you give me?

The harsh fact of your situation is that your income has ended yet your bills are ongoing. This is a crisis situation and you need to maximise all your resources. Your biggest resource at this moment, even though it might not feel like it, is your current company.

It’s going to feel lousy, you’ll be angry, worried and anxious for the future. That’s normal and healthy. Let yourself feel those emotions with out recrimination and make sure you ask the practical questions listed above to make your situation as informed as possible. Knowledge is power after all.

In the next blog, on redundancy – Marshalling Your Resources I discuss the types of support that your company can provide and in the blog after that I will discuss the really hard part – letting your partner and family know what has happened.

Until next time;

Stephen

Stephen Hart

Picture by demostheses with thanks

Friday Challenge Five – Notes

This Friday the challenge is short, simple and will make someone else smile. Now that’s got to be good hasn’t it!

This week I offer the challenge to write someone a note saying how you feel about them. However you feel about them – love, trust, etc. write them a short note and give it to them.

And if you would like to take this challenge to the next level then rather than handing it directly to them leave it where they will find it. From personal experience I can testify that it is a wonderful surprise to stumble over a note from someone you care about saying something positive about you.

Another variation you might consider, if you are artistically inclined, is to draw a picture of a child’s favourite cartoon character, or TV character, and leave that for them. I do this for my son periodically and I typically come home to find that he has put it up on his pin board or the fridge. He loves it and it takes very little effort from me – I’m suggesting a sketch here not a Rembrandt! Mine are often done over breakfast on a post it note.

This challenge, whether written or drawn, is about the thought and the intention and it can make a real difference whether the recipient is five or fifty five.

Happy note writing!

Until next time;

Stephen

Stephen Hart

Make Big Mistakes

I train and coach a lot of people and I love it when they make mistakes. True learning is to be found in mistakes and I do beleive that there is no failure only feedback.

Unfortunately many people are raised in a culture of ‘being wrong equals being bad’. For example how often have you heard parents tell their children that ‘they are stupid’ when the child gets a sum wrong? When that happens the child is being personally criticized and labeled for making a technical error at an activity.

How much more constructive would it be if the child could have the error pointed out as just that, an error,  a mis-calculation which is not a reflection on them as a person but rather a flaw in a skill they are developing and a useful sign post as to how to develop their skills further.

Now because most people have grown up or grow up in the environment of “being wrong equals being bad” there is an inbuilt resistance to admitting mistakes or perceived failure because the person does not want to feel bad about themselves. It is a form of suppression.

That is why it is such a strong personal development point to embrace the notion that mistakes, like failure, are an event not a person.

In addition I would advocate that mistakes are an inherent part of the learning process for any activity. When I completed my NLP Practioner training I was told to go out and “make big mistakes” because from those I could learn how to get better. It was one of the best and most freeing pieces of advice I have ever received and I have endeavored to put it into action!

I now run a section in both my personal development courses and my sales courses on the benefits of mistakes and how to be brilliant by making big mistakes. It is liberating for the individual and benefits everyone.

So what ever you are doing in life make big mistakes and learn great lessons!

Until next time;

Stephen

Stephen Hart

Stemming the Flow

Following on from last weeks article on financial management ‘The Truth Will Set You Free’ here are some thoughts about managing the flow of money.

You see the real problem with financial management is typically not the money that is coming in but the money that is going out. That’s why last weeks blog, my first specifically about money management, focused on creating a record of what was being spent. I truly believe that is the first step towards financial freedom.

A useful step after that is to look at the out goings and ask some hard questions about each and every item on the list.

There are a couple of catagories or levels of expenditure into which we can all put our spendings.

The first is ’survival’ spending. These are the essentials for living – housing, food, water, power, fuel (if used to get to work) and housing taxes.

Now if times are very hard, for example if you have been made redundant then consider where you can minimise these survival costs however ideally you want leave these costs alone.

Also typically it is not these expenses that push peoples incomes into the red. More often it is the next catagory up – ‘non-survival’ expenses or ‘optional’ expenses.

I’ve chosen the word ’survival’ very specifically as I would like to stay away from the ‘essential vs non essential’ argument. Also I think that ’survival’ more accurately portrays what those first expenses are all about – you can live a life, it might not be comfortable but you will have the basics for living with those covered. Everything there after is non-survival or ‘optional’.

So your next step should be to revel each item that is left on your list and seriously consider can it be reduced or cut out. Cutting out an optional expense can be hard and if you doubt this then let me give you the simple example of cutting out your mobile (cell) phone.

Many people will state clearly that their mobile is an absolutely necessary – well sorry but it is rarely a survival expense but as an optional extra I concede it might be useful, maybe for job hunting or other justifiable reason. So how about reducing the usage or changing the tarrif? Cutting back might seem hard but cutting out is even harder!

To refer again to the person I mentioned in last week’s blog we looked at her list she had £160 ($300) listed for cigarettes for four weeks. Now I’m going to sidestep the whole smoking vs not smoking topic right now however looking at it from a purely financial viewpoint this contrasted with this person’s food budget of £200 ($380) for the same period.

Now the food is a survival essential, smoking is less so – even for a long term smoker. She herself, on learning how much she was spending on cigarettes was shocked and said she would cut that back. And here’s the really key part – we were looking to bridge a £85 ($150) dollar gap between earnings and outgoings.

By reducing her budgets for non-survival, or optional items, we were able to do that. It won’t be easy but she should be able to hold out until her pay rise in a couple of months.

Doing this exercise has meant that rather than wrack up debt she lives a little more frugally for now and can enjoy the rewards of her efforts when her pay increase comes in.

Whatever your situation may I offer the thought that taking the time out to work out how to stem your outgoings is always a worthwhile investment.

Until next time;

Stephen

Stephen Hart

Friday Challenge Four – Give me one hundred

Now I can’t take the credit for this Friday Challenge it was something that I came across whilst doing some online research.

In a nutshell the challenge is this – over the course of six weeks train up to be able to do one hundred push ups! (Or press ups as we would say in the UK)

Now it might seem insane but the progression is steady and even someone who can only do one push up now can successfully do the program…or so they say!

Personally I’m two weeks into it and I’ve gone from under twenty to fifty three last night. I feel better, my self esteem is stronger and I’m serious about finishing the program. When I do I know I will feel great and I’m really looking forward to that!

One of the best things about this challenge is that it is completely free – requiring only an investment of effort and determination!

The full details are outlined here

(Naturally this is an exercise program so be sensible and consult a doctor before you start if you feel you should do.)

One final thought I’ve found it great to be doing this with someone and the fact that a friend and colleague of mine has been doing it with me has really helped keep me on track!

Until next time;

Stephen

Stephen Hart

Picture by kind permission of justpeachygirl

The Truth Will Set You Free

Money. It’s an interesting thing. Have you ever felt it has a life of it’s own? That it ebbs and flows seemingly of it’s own accord resulting in you thinking, “I’m sure I just got paid, where has it all gone?”

If you have felt like that or had those thoughts then let me assure you that you are not alone!

Just last week I was working with someone who was very stressed about a number of issues. One of those was their finances.

I asked if they had a set budget for the month and they assured me they had. Something in the way they said it made me question the validity of their statement and after a few more questions it emerged that they didn’t actually have a set monthly budget but rather, had more of an understanding of what bills they had to pay.

I offered the idea of putting together a fixed monthly spending plan where everything would be anticipated and accounted for. Their response was swift (and one I have heard before) – “Oh that sounds a bit scary!”

Yes it is scary but here’s the thing, the money will be leaving their account whether or not they write down where its going. At least if they know ahead of time that they are going to fall short they might be able to put a plan together to fix it.

When it comes to financial matters I really do believe that the truth will set you free.

So let’s say that you agree with me. How do you put together a spending plan?

Start with the necessary items, the things that you have to pay. Typically this will include the mortgage or rent, food, heating bills and water.

Next you would list everything else that you are currently paying form; and that bring us to the golden rule of financial management – write everything down.

Every payment you are going to make, every purchase you can anticipate, no matter how small – record all of them.

If the money is going to be spent, then record in advance what it is going to be spent on because, whilst it might be scary, it is better to know how close to the edge of financial ruin you are than to blindly step over it!

Most people get slowly deeper and deeper into debt because they weren’t willing to honestly look at their income and out goings. After all, I doubt you will know many people who maxed out their credit cards in one go, but I bet you do know many people who slowly charged more and more until the cards were at their limit.

So going back to our list what do we have on it?

Fixed expenses followed by optional ones.

Whatever the final figure, the truth is there – staring you in the face, in dollars, pounds or whatever you use for currency. That figure is the truth which you must accept if you are to improve your situation. This is truly the first step towards financial freedom.

My friends, the truth will set you free.

Until next time;

Stephen

Stephen Hart

This is the first post in a series on obtaining financial freedom – in the next issue I will explore methods for helping your income exceed your out goings!

Picture from wiktor1993 with thanks.

Congratulations Obama

Nothing too serious in this entry simply a well done and congratulations to Obama and condolences to McCain.

They have both put a lot of effort into their campaigns and I thought that John lost with dignity, which given what he has lost is proof, if anyone needed it, that he’s a true professional. He deserves some credit for that and for the campaign he ran.

What I thought was particularly positive was to see the crowds, throughout the United States, celebrating Obama’s victory. I think it is fair to point out that ‘feeling of optimism” as the first positive change that Obama has made!

Just think what a great difference it will make to the United States to be run by a popular president who has the support of the people!

Well done America for embracing change and for appointing such a dynamic leader.

I truly hope that the feeling of optimism will last and that the changes will continue to be good.

I really look forward to his inauguration!

Until next time;

Stephen

Stephen Hart