Communication is a life skill that influences every aspect of your life. The first Edenchanges blog on the topic was very well received so I thought it would be good to share some further communication tips.
The original article which presented four general communication tips can be found here.
In this article I am going to look at communication that helps build rapport with people. Rapport in this instance is about bringing people closer together and creating a feeling of understanding and connection. In other words your communication builds rapport when the people you are speaking to feel closer and more in tune with you.
The following material is taken from the Edenchanges Communication for Executives training course.
Use their words – a powerful rapport building technique is to use the other persons words. Let me illustrate by example:
Person A describes an experience they have just had with a friend – “That was thrilling!”
Person B (who also experienced the same event) replies – “Yes that was exciting!”
The problem here is that to Person A the words ‘thrilling’ and ‘exciting’ might well have different meanings. As a result they might not feel that Person B had exactly the same experience. The change in words creates a barrier in the communication. At least from the perspective of rapport building; of being connected.
Everyone has their own internal definition for all words and by using the other persons words in a conversation with them we send the message that we truly understand and are truly talking about the same experiences.
So to be clear in the above example it would have been more powerful from a rapport building perspective for Person B to say:
“Yes that was thrilling!”
Naturally this might not actually be the opinion of Person B however if Person B is looking to bond and connect with Person A then they would be well advised to use the same words!
Ask questions – I’ve spent nearly a decade in the recruitment industry, first as a head-hunter and now as a trainer and coach. Consequently asking questions has been part of my job for years! One of the things I have noticed about questions is that, outside of recruitment, people simply don’t ask enough of them.
People generally like other people to show an interest in them. By asking questions you show that you are interested in them. I’m not suggesting you interrogate people rather express a level of interest in them.
For example the other day I was buying a coffee when I noticed that the man behind me in the queue had a really great pair of boots on. I complimented him on them and asked him where he had got them from. From looking a bit surprised that a total stranger would speak to him he suddenly looked very happy. It turned out that the boots were a birthday present from his fiance and he’d managed to get the last pair, in his size, in stock. He was very happy to share the story.
The conversation lasted only a moment but it was a positive experience that couldn’t have happened without a question being asked.
Speak at their level - not everyone has the same command of the English language. Rapport is a great word and I know what I mean by it however at the beginning of this blog I clarified its meaning for those readers who might not have come across it before.
There is nothing wrong with not knowing the word ‘rapport’ or indeed any other word. What is wrong is to assume that everyone understands the words you do.
Good communication is about accurately conveying information from one person to another. A large part of building rapport through communication is about having respect for the other person. This includes respecting their educational level and language range.
A good rule of thumb is to speak at a simple but competent level to new people until you get a chance to gauge their grasp of English. Some ideas and events can only be shared through more advanced language which then simply requires new or more unusual words to be clarified and explained.
Intelligent Listening – this is a big topic in itself and I will return to it in future blogs however for now let me mention one element of it; it is important to clearly indicate that you are listening to the other person whether you are communicating face to face or over the phone or internet.
Use verbal nods such as ‘Ah ha’, ‘yes’, ‘really’; to show that you are truly listen to the other person. When face to face with the person use body language and eye contact to clearly show that you are listening.
When people speak they want to be listened to and in some instances need to be listened to. Every wife and girlfriend in the world can no doubt tell stories of when their partners were not listening to them and how bad that felt! And every husband and boyfriend in the world can no doubt tell stories of when their partners thought they weren’t listening when in fact they were and how annoying that felt!
The point is; not visibly listening destroys rapport!
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I trust you have found the above of interest. As already mentioned the above information has been taken from the Edenchanges Communication for Executives training course. We would love to talk to any companies interested in improving the communication skills of their staff and we can be contacted via the details below.
And finally as always comments via the blog site or by email are always welcome.
Until next time, be successful;
Stephen
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Coming next on edenchanges.com - Standing Tall - more personal development thoughts inspired by Fight Club!
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We would be delighted to discuss your communication, or other corporate training or coaching needs so call us, or email us, today to discuss:
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