Communication for Rapport Building

Communication is a life skill that influences every aspect of your life. The first Edenchanges blog on the topic was very well received so I thought it would be good to share some further communication tips.

The original article which presented four general communication tips can be found here.

In this article I am going to look at communication that helps build rapport with people. Rapport in this instance is about bringing people closer together and creating a feeling of understanding and connection. In other words your communication builds rapport when the people you are speaking to feel closer and more in tune with you.

The following material is taken from the Edenchanges Communication for Executives training course.

Use their words – a powerful rapport building technique is to use the other persons words. Let me illustrate by example:

Person A describes an experience they have just had with a friend – “That was thrilling!”

Person B (who also experienced the same event) replies – “Yes that was exciting!”

The problem here is that to Person A the words ‘thrilling’ and ‘exciting’ might well have different meanings. As a result they might not feel that Person B had exactly the same experience. The change in words creates a barrier in the communication. At least from the perspective of rapport building; of being connected.

Everyone has their own internal definition for all words and by using the other persons words in a conversation with them we send the message that we truly understand and are truly talking about the same experiences.

So to be clear in the above example it would have been more powerful from a rapport building perspective for Person B to say:

“Yes that was thrilling!”

Naturally this might not actually be the opinion of Person B however if Person B is looking to bond and connect with Person A then they would be well advised to use the same words!

Ask questions – I’ve spent nearly a decade in the recruitment industry, first as a head-hunter and now as a trainer and coach. Consequently asking questions has been part of my job for years! One of the things I have noticed about questions is that, outside of recruitment, people simply don’t ask enough of them.

People generally like other people to show an interest in them. By asking questions you show that you are interested in them. I’m not suggesting you interrogate people rather express a level of interest in them.

For example the other day I was buying a coffee when I noticed that the man behind me in the queue had a really great pair of boots on. I complimented him on them and asked him where he had got them from. From looking a bit surprised that a total stranger would speak to him he suddenly looked very happy. It turned out that the boots were a birthday present from his fiance and he’d managed to get the last pair, in his size, in stock. He was very happy to share the story.

The conversation lasted only a moment but it was a positive experience that couldn’t have happened without a question being asked.

Speak at their level - not everyone has the same command of the English language. Rapport is a great word and I know what I mean by it however at the beginning of this blog I clarified its meaning for those readers who might not have come across it before.

There is nothing wrong with not knowing the word ‘rapport’ or indeed any other word. What is wrong is to assume that everyone understands the words you do.

Good communication is about accurately conveying information from one person to another. A large part of building rapport through communication is about having respect for the other person. This includes respecting their educational level and language range.

A good rule of thumb is to speak at a simple but competent level to new people until you get a chance to gauge their grasp of English. Some ideas and events can only be shared through more advanced language which then simply requires new or more unusual words to be clarified and explained.

Intelligent Listening – this is a big topic in itself and I will return to it in future blogs however for now let me mention one element of it; it is important to clearly indicate that you are listening to the other person whether you are communicating face to face or over the phone or internet.

Use verbal nods such as ‘Ah ha’, ‘yes’, ‘really’; to show that you are truly listen to the other person. When face to face with the person use body language and eye contact to clearly show that you are listening.

When people speak they want to be listened to and in some instances need to be listened to. Every wife and girlfriend in the world can no doubt tell stories of when their partners were not listening to them and how bad that felt! And every husband and boyfriend in the world can no doubt tell stories of when their partners thought they weren’t listening when in fact they were and how annoying that felt!

The point is; not visibly listening destroys rapport!

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 I trust you have found the above of interest. As already mentioned the above information has been taken from the Edenchanges Communication for Executives training course. We would love to talk to any companies interested in improving the communication skills of their staff and we can be contacted via the details below.

 And finally as always comments via the blog site or by email are always welcome.

 Until next time, be successful;

 Stephen

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Coming next on edenchanges.com - Standing Tall - more personal development thoughts inspired by Fight Club!

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We would be delighted to discuss your communication, or other corporate training or coaching needs so call us, or email us, today to discuss:

International: +44 1757 249 380 UK: 01757 249 390

Email: enquiries@edenchanges.com

Fight Club

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Lance Corporal Katrina Hodge Picture: Cpl Adrian Harlen

Last week I saw, for the first time, Fight Club with Brad Pitt and Ed Norton. And yes I recognise that I’m about ten years behind everyone else on that score!

Anyway I was planning a blog about some of the ideas in that film when I learn that Katrina Hodge, a serving solder in HM Armed Forces  is now Miss England and will represent England at the Miss World competition later this year.

It’s the type of event that I really thinks applauding and ironically it fits into one of the thoughts I had from Fight Club.

Fight Club provoked some real thinking and one of the themes I really liked in the film was the idea that we are all so much more than our business card or bank balance. It’s an idea I am familiar with indeed I had just a few weeks earlier ripped up a client’s business card in front of them telling them most earnestly that ‘You are not your business card…’

To then have Brad Pitt utter a similar speech was quite shocking – most of all because I would hate the client to think I’d copied my opener for that training session!

Anyway what I love about the concept is that it is absolutely true. We are all so much more than the labels we are given by employers, friends or family. Recognising ourselves as more than the label of ‘dad’, ‘manager’, director’ or whatever is a freeing experience.

So what does this have to do with Katrina Hodge?

Modelling for La Senza Retail Chain

Well to have a career in the military and at the same time be a model speaks of a person who is confident in their goals and free of the limitations people would normally assign to work or hobbies. How many people have laughed at her or poured scorn on her doing both those activities? Yet there she is doing both successfully.

Whether you approve of beauty pageants or not I’d hope you’d see that Katrina is a great example of someone who has broken out of the confines of expectations and is living a life of her own choosing.

So from a fictional film to the world of reality one idea blends together so to you I would ask this question – how great it would be to live past the confines of your labels?

Until next time; be successful

Stephen

Trainer, Coach, Public Speaker

Photo’s – I believe the photo’s are in the public domain however if you are the copyright holder and want me to remove them then let me know.

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Coming next on edenchanges.com – Communication Tips

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We would be delighted to discuss your corporate training or coaching needs so call us, or email us, today to discuss:

International: +44 1757 249 380 UK: 01757 249 390

Email: enquiries@edenchanges.com

 

Focus

Focus definition:

• the concentration of attention or energy on something
• concentrate: direct one’s attention on something
• cause to converge on or toward a central point

On the outside this week has been a week of opposites – on Monday I was running a head hunting course for recruitment consultants and on Sunday I will be delivering the first module in a personal development program for a martial arts academy.

What is interesting are the similarities.

At a break in the head hunt training the recruitment consultants asked me how to be successful in recruitment – a very common question. The week before I had asked Sensei Craig Long, six times British kickboxing champion and owner of the York Martial Arts Academy what made people successful at martial arts. The answer it turns out is the same thing; focus.

But let’s put some perspective on this in case I’m just getting carried away as us personal development specialists can do; so just how much different does focusing on a goal or objective make?

Consider the following two statements; one is true, one is not:

1) If you focus on a goal or an objective you will reach it.

2) If you focus on a goal or an objective you will get closer to your goal and increase your chances of reaching it and being totally successful.

Being a realist I would offer the second statement as the true one. Focus does not guarantee success but it increases the odds in your favour!

And whether you are preparing for martial art combat, building a career or working towards a personal goal improving the odds has to be a good thing!

Until next time; be successful

Stephen

Trainer, Coach, Public Speaker

NEW Addition: PS – A very interesting comment has been added by a reader – I would invite all other readers to read it and add their thoughts

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Coming next on edenchanges.com – more recruitment specific tips

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We would be delighted to discuss your corporate training or coaching needs so call us, or email us, today to discuss:

International: +44 1757 249 380 UK: 01757 249 390

Email: enquiries@edenchanges.com

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Photograph by the talented Jade Macalla,  photo manipulation by me

 

Four Communication Tips

I think it’s accurate to say that one of the fundamental factors that shapes your life is the relationships you have with other people.

Now when you consider that the quality of every relationship, whether transitory or long term, is influenced by your communication skills it makes one thing obvious; improving your communication skills can improve your life.

The great thing about improving your communication skills is that you get lots of chances to practise. Like improving any skill it does take time, diligence and effort. Fortunately the rewards can come quickly particularly with people you spend a lot of time with.

True communication empowers relationships and enriches lives. I truly hope that the following suggestions take you some way forward on that journey.

Maintain their self esteem - There are times when you have to point out the errors that someone has made. What makes for powerful communication is to do this whilst maintaining the person’s self esteem. This is something that many parents fail at; consider the difference between the following statements:

“You stupid boy! Look at what you’ve done!”

“That was stupid! Look at what you’ve done!”

In the first example a statement was made about the child’s intelligence – a statement that when said often enough will lower their self esteem. The second statement referred to the act they committed rather than the person’s character.

Because a person has committed a stupid or idiotic act does not make them stupid or idiotic and making them think that they are does no good. Better to maintain their self esteem whilst pointing out their errors.

The example above it taken from the world of parent and child however consider in what manner you point out the errors of the people you know, whether at work or home. Do you criticise them or their actions; and which one did you really mean to criticise?

And indeed which would be more constructive to criticise?

Communication is about the response it illicits - It really doesn’t matter what you meant to say it’s actually about what the other person heard and felt. Consider those times when you have given instructions or made requests of people and been met with resistance or hostility. From your point of view it might well be unreasonable but for the other person or persons it was reasonable. It was their genuine reaction to your communication.

When giving instructions or making a request a good communicator will strive to convey a message in a way so that the other person will follow the instructions in the emotional manner in which it was intended. That takes more thought and skill than simply barking an order.

Consider that the other person’s reaction is more often the result of the communication than the content and you will realise that a) you can influence the outcome and b) you are largely responsible for the outcome!

You will be misunderstood - No matter how good you are at conveying information or requests sometimes you will be misunderstood.

Good communicators therefore endeavour to ensure that the lines of communication are open enough so that if people are confused or upset by what they have said or done that a query can come back. This way misunderstandings can be cleared up rather than being allowed to fester.

Just think about how many family arguments could have been avoided if a minor misunderstanding could have been cleared away before the other person dwelt on it for days or longer!

Equally accepting that sometimes you will be understood keeps you on your toes and helps you remember to strive for clarity in your communication. Also when it does happen the fact that you accept it will happen at some times tends to make the misunderstanding less confusing and stressful.

Every piece of communication builds or reduces your reputation – there are no casual conversations in business. It’s an arena where one off-the-cuff comment can ruin a career or relationship. Don’t get paranoid but do get careful. People get judged by the content and manner of their communication at work and it is important to maintain the reputation you want at all times.

The higher up the career ladder you go or the more of an advisory your role is the greater your reputation must be maintained. Genuine consistency is the best way forward and always remember that if you say it, someone will hear it and someone will remember it. If you don’t want that to happen then keep quiet!

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As always I trust you found the above blog of interest and practical use. Communication is an art form that we can all benefit from improving.

Until next time; be successful communicating!

Regards

Stephen

Trainer, Coach, Public Speaker

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Coming next on edenchanges.com – Inspirational Dissatisfaction and how it can help you become a better sales person! Blog to be posted later this week!

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 We would be delighted to discuss your communication, or other corporate training or coaching needs so call us, or email us, today to discuss:

International: +44 1757 249 380 UK: 01757 249 390

Email: enquiries@edenchanges.com

Cheerful Success

“The people I have seen succeed best in life have always been cheerful and hopeful people, who went about their business with a smile on their faces.”

C.H.Kingsley

A good smile and a positive attitude is like a calling card – it says ‘hi – I’m a positive, happy person work with me!’

It has been my experience that the most successful people are positive people. It certainly doesn’t make you successful on your own. Success takes a lot of other ingredients including hard work, consistency and ingenuity amongst others. What positivity seems to do is oil the wheels; make the machinery work smoother and more efficiently.

It’s much easier for people to approach someone who is being positive than someone who is downbeat. In management a positive demeanour is a real asset. Communication will be a lot smoother and you will find people more willing to be spontaneous and eager to follow your guidance.

A word of warning though – don’t go over the top. As negative as being downbeat can be so being overly friendly and happy can result in people backing away from you slowly!

Genuine, practical positivity is about taking a level headed positive view on the world and the likely outcome of events and sharing that with others.

Until next time; be positively successful!

Stephen Hart

Coach, Trainer, Public Speaker

stephen.hart@edenchanges.com

+44 (0) 1757 249 380

With thanks to Katanaz-Stock for the excellent photograph; used with thanks.

Time Management Tips

Good time management is more than a useful work skill, it’s a life skill.

With good time management you can achieve more, see more and do more in your life than you would otherwise have been able. For me when I realised that I decided to make it a skill that I would always seek to improve upon and ultimately master. The further I travel on that particular path of learning the bigger and more fundamental the topic seems to me.

Many people feel’s it’s simply a matter of have a good diary system and that’s certainly an element of it but it’s much more about you and your personality than you might at first realise.

It’s not about time - that heading is the heart and soul of real time management  – it isn’t about time. It’s about what you do with the time you have; it’s about event management.

What events, in what order and how many of them will you chose to do in the time available. That’s nothing to do with time. No one, (excepting the Doctor with his handy Tardis) can give you more physical time. We all have the same amount. The challenge is what you do in the time available; that’s event management.

Once you really take that onboard you will stop looking at the clock and start looking at what needs to be done.

Oh and the real sting in the tail is this – it’s not about event management either. . .but what it’s really about is either staring you in the face right now and you are nodding with new found wisdom or you’ll have to come on an Edenchanges time management course to find out. . .sorry but we can’t just give all the family silver away in a free blog!

Brigid was right - I had a friend at school who is sadly no longer with us but going back to a happier point in her life she was quite simply brilliant at school. Five ‘A’s at A level back when you had to get special permission to even sit five A levels! I was with her in six form and I asked her how she did it. She explained that every night; not some nights but every night, she would go home and work for one to two hours on her homework or classwork. Simple as that she said; steady, consistent work.

Now I know she was also gifted but equally I have learnt from observation, research and personal experience that nothing gets a large task done as efficiently or effectively as steady, consistent work.

And this ties very tightly into the next two points. . .

Start early and have a pre-deadline - People talk a lot of rushing at the end, getting things done for the deadlines or just after and sweet talking their way into that being acceptable. This is not effective, or stress free event management. Following the two tips – start early and have a pre-deadline – takes out the stress and provides you with more opportunities to produce quality work. . .let me explain. . .

Typically people know how long it will do to complete a task, whether it is phoning a list of people or writing a blog etc By starting early you are in fact aiming to finish early. It is not about aiming to hit the original deadline but about finishing before the original deadline. You do it to give yourself time for overruns and unforeseen happenings and when you do finish earlier than the original deadline you get to feel great and then fit something else into your schedule!

The pre-deadline is a deadline that you personally decide you want to finish by. It’s the point in time which you are working to with your steady, consistent work. Consider any top sports person and you will see that they have been working steadily and consistently towards their peak performance over a long time. Staying with the sports people for a second and consider that they need to be match or game ready before the game – not atthe game. Pre-deadlines again.

A further note combining the above three points – is that by starting early it means that you can put in steady, consistent work over a period of time. This allows for reflection and review as you progress. In the times in between direct work on the task you can give it thought and consideration. This has to be a good thing surely because after all the more thought you put into things typically the better they become.

You also have the option of spending more time on the project if you chose as you have time before the main deadline. Once you are in the last minute it’s too late!

 Time = quality – again following on from the above (real time / event management is a blend of skills and principles rather than separate points) typically the more time you put into something the better the quality at the end. More time spent on something enables more proofing and checking. Yes you might be able to do something in five minutes but if you can do it properly in ten minutes and brilliantly in fifteen minutes then consider what quality of result you want before you schedule time in to do it. Simply getting it done isn’t always enough.

Last thought-I’d say that how a person respects time and their schedule of work will say a lot about them as a person and their character. The last minute, ‘it will do’ people tend to do last minute it will do quality of work. That has a place in the world but it’s not the type of reputation I personally want to build. I’d rather schedule my time more cleverly, work steadily and consistently towards pre-deadlines and produce work of a higher quality.

That’s how I want to work; what about you?

Until next time; be successful,

Stephen 

Train, Coach, Public Speaker

www.edenchanges.com

Should you be interested in an innovative and effective time management course for yourself or colleagues do contact Stephen or Edenchanges by phone or email and let us know.

 

Dress to Impress

Earlier in the year I was in a meeting held by three of the most senior people at a client of mine. In the meeting the potential future managers within the business were being considered.

Various names were put forward and the last name presented was that of a particularly talented and successful individual. A conversation was then had about that person and one of the three people present, the managing director, was particularly negative about the person.

When asked the managing director said “Well for a start it would help if they looked like a manager. I don’t think I have ever seen them wear a suit jacket. When they improve their appearance then I’ll consider them as a potential manager. That’s their first step.”

To date that person has not been put on the management program that I designed and am now delivering for the company. And yes they have had the advice that they need to improve their dress code however they are choosing not to follow it. The company in turn is holding to its position of needing to; literally, see something better from the individual.

The truth of the matter is this – your colleagues, your superiors and your clients will all judge you, to some degree, on your appearance. The deeper truth is more shocking – you will judge yourself on how you look.

A business person who doesn’t care about their appearance will not care about their work. A business person who fails to consider how well presented they are for business will often fail to consider how professionally they act, talk and work.

Certainly that is the view that other business professionals will take of them.

A positive consequence of this is that you can develop your potential in business and thus influence your own career and earning potential by motivating yourself through your own dress code.

If you really are a business professional then show that to the world and most importantly . . . dress to impress yourself.

Until next time;

Stephen

Coach, Trainer, Public Speaker

www.edenchanges.com

(0) 1757 249 380

PS In case anyone is worried I checked with my client before sharing this story! All work done by Edenchanges is done in the utmost confidentiality.

Photography by Ksenia Korneychuk with thanks.

Take Action

“The world can only be grasped by action not contemplation.”

Jacob Bronowski

I’m a great believer in planning. Setting goals and objectives that can then be constructively worked towards is really important for obtaining success in life.

But Jacob Bronowski was right. Action not contemplation seizes the world.

Whatever plans you have you must put them into action. Taking the first step on a new plan or the next step on an old plan can mean the difference between achievement and mediocrity.

I’m assuming your in business to be a success; to succeed. Well climbing the business ladder has to be done through hard action.

The old wisdom goes make sure you are climbing the right ladder and I’d certainly agree. But once you have identified which ladder you should be climbing then CLIMB!

Regards

Stephen Hart

Coach, Trainer, Public Speaker

Photograph from the talented Jade Macalla with thanks

Twitter Virus

 

“He wrapped himself in quotations – as a beggar would enfold himself in the purple of emperors.”

Rudyard Kipling

There is a Twitter virus that is malignant and damaging. You probably know people who are infected and maybe you are yourself.

Like all powerful viruses it spreads rapidly through reproduction and it does not enhance, build or strengthen anything.

I think it has it’s origin in good intentions but my mother always said that the road to hell was paved with those and I think she was right. I have certainly, mistakenly, followed several people who were heavily infected. I have since dropped them and I am on my guard against future infections.

So what is this twitter virus of which I speak – let me give you a clue:

“Some for renown on scraps of learning dote,

And think they grow immortal as they quote.”

Edward Young

Yes that’s right. I am talking about the human twitter virus of constantly tweeting quotations or links to other sites.

*(‘tweeting’ means to publish a message on Twitter if you are unfamiliar with Twitter lingo)

I accept that it can it be useful or educational to post the occasional link. There are some things out there that deserve to be shared but the continual practice of tweeting other people’s work doesn’t make you look well read and clever. It makes you look like you have no original thoughts.

And if you are compelled to share the occasional a link or quote then how about saying why you are sharing it? Give some explanation of what that link or quote meant to you. Or maybe, and hold on if this seems too radical, or like too much work, write your own article discussing the website or quote you want to share.

This would give you something original to post and would actually add to the knowledge wealth of mankind rather than simply acting as another signpost on the information highway. Which when you simply post a link is all you are really doing.

So please, consider if you are a victim or a carrier of this virus and take steps to stamp it out. There are wonderful things out there to share and you have a chance to make them even more meaningful.

People will be a lot more impressed by your actions when they are your own rather than simply the fruits of other people’s efforts – and this holds true online and in business – originality is powerful.

Until next time; be original!

Stephen Hart

Trainer, Coach, Public Speaker

 

 

 

 

 

Success is a Team Sport

Today is the anniversary of Samuel Morse who evolved a communication system that he then gave his name to – Morse Code.

Morse code has been used in countless occasions where regular communication was impossible – ships at sea have communicated by it, prisoners of war used it, inmates of prisons use it still and even small children have learnt the basics.

As a small child I remember playing with my Action Man figures and have them tap out SOS messages when pretending that they needed help and rescue. Great fun; happy memories.

So what has this got to do with the fact that success is a team sport? Well simply this, whilst we live in a society that is very keen to highlight the ‘winner’ it is important to realise how winners actually succeed. They succeed, just as Samuel Morse did, by being influenced, motivated and encouraged by the ideas and works of others.

Whilst it’s great to have the vision and aim to step onto the podium and be crowned the best do remember that the most likely way to achieve that is with others helping you. This help might be direct or indirect. Indeed a worthy opponent surging ahead can be the most motivation of things! And ideas that others have originated can be great stepping stones to new discoveries.

I take nothing away from Mr Morse by highlighting this fact. And certainly I, and my Action Man figures, have every reason to wish his memory well. I highlight it because it’s the truth.

And with the knowledge that great things can be created together you can start to ask yourself some very interesting questions; such as:

• Who do you know, who is already good or great at what you do, that you could team up with?
• What additional people could you bring into your success team?

And I’ll offer you a tip – possibly the people you don’t like are the ones you need to ask or keep tabs on. Jealousy can take many forms – don’t let it stop you teaming up, or being influenced by the works of talented people.

Additionally it might well be that you have something to offer to others; consider:

• Who do you know who you can help reach success?

For by being part of someone else’s team how much might you learn in turn? How much sharper might your knowledge and skills become?

So I leave you to ponder these things and whether you end up on the podium itself or help someone else end up there; enjoy your team success.

Regards

Stephen Hart

Trainer, Coach, Public Speaker

Based in the UK and Working Globally

P.S. With thanks to Kriss Akabussi, the Google Team and my wife who, knowingly or not, helped me create this blog. See – success teams work!

Easter – A New Hope

Whether you are religious or not Easter can be a significant time for you.

We are at a point roughly a third of the way through this calendar year. New Year Resolutions are far behind and many will have been abandoned and even worse forgotten. Now is the time you can change that.

You can either go back to the resolutions of January or you can forge ahead with other new, fresh ideas. Easter is to for the calender year what a full stop is to a sentance. A chance to pause. Reflect. Make new choices.

Where ever you are in your life the rest of today can be different. You can start something new today that will last a life time. Or you can stop today something that has been with you too long.

My daughter and I were discussing addictions just the other day and we concluded that many people have them of one sort or another. Easter can be a chance for you to make a choice regarding your own personal addictions. Maybe you need to stop something or maybe you need to start something.

Would your life improve with more exercise or less television? Would it be enriched just a little bit if you phoned a friend or family member and said ‘hello’ ?

And for those of you in business. What strategic choices can you make at this time that will influence the success of the rest of your year? All good sales people know that there is a time delay between effort and results. If you are in sales or business you know that if you put the work in now you will most likely receive the benefits this year. If you wait it might be next year.

Personally I will be spending a little time contemplating where I have come from and a lot of time planning where I am going.

So whether a believer or not may Easter be a time of New Hope to you all.

Best regards

Stephen Hart

Trainer, Coach, Public Speaker

On Twitter here

Your Potential

Let me give you a New Year gift.

What I’d like to give you is something that I would normally save for when I was acting as a life or career coach with you. Something valuable; something powerful.

It is a statement that applies to everyone who reads this blog and to everyone who doesn’t. For this is a statement that once you realise it’s truth, and it’s significance, will make you see yourself and everyone else on the planet in a different light.

So here it is, please read it slowly and savour it:

“You have not yet reached your full potential.”

Does it make you smile? Does it make the future seem a little brighter? Does it give you a little hope?

Who ever you are, what ever you are, you can do more, see more, and be more in 2009 than you have before.

We are not machines with maximum operating efficiencies; nor are we just people – we are limitless people. We, each one of us, has the potential to be amazing.

So I am not going to tell you that you can achieve whatever you want in 2009 but I am going to tell you that you can achieve more of what you want.

You can, and it is your choice, become more of a saint or a sinner as you wish. Whatever virtues you have, you can develop them; whatever vices can equally be increased. It does come down to choice, and I will talk more about that over the coming months.

‘You have not yet reached your full potential’ is my gift to you all this New Year period.

May it unlock potential and open your hearts and minds to possibilities.

Best regards

Stephen Hart

Thanks to John for the splendid picture

Stand or Fall

Times are hard so what are your options?

To make it really simple your choice is: Stand or Fall.

You really have a simple choice of buckling under the strain and taking whatever life throws at you or you can resolve to fight back.

Now both paths have advantages and disadvantages; more seriously both paths have consequences.

Personally I chose to Stand. To rise up and challenge the circumstances that challenge me and live with the consequences that follow.

But this blog isn’t about my personal position. This blog is about you. Because you also might be thinking; “I Stand.” but not know how to.

And it’s a difficult thing to advise on. We live in interesting times with challenges coming thick and fast. Terrorism is rewriting the rules of war and the ‘credit crunch’ seems to be rewriting the rules of business.

So I guess my first thought is to find some constants. Find some unchangeable items that I, and you, can share and strengthen ourselves with. And I believe that both you and I already have these things.

Let me ask you a question ~ “What in your life has inspired you?” more specifically “What author, musician or artist has, with their work, inspired you or given if not inspired then given you peace or hope?”

You know the feeling I mean; the one where you pick up the book and it makes you smile; or the music plays and by the middle of the first track a grin has spread across your face and your muscles feel just a little looser; or that piece of artwork that makes you sigh deeply.

Those works of art. Now is the time to revisit them. To revisit and feel again those better emotions; peace, hope and optimism.

It might be you have to go back a long way but you will have those works in your life. Was there a book you read as a child that you loved? Dig it out of your attic or garage, find it on ebay – then sit and indulge in something special to you.

Such things might sound weak compared to the challenges that face you yet they give you something strong ~ internal peace. With that peace, even if it passes quickly, will come a slightly stronger and calmer you.

This will help you put things in perspective and see more clearly the path ahead.

So, read that book, view that artwork, listen to the music or put on that film that you haven’t watched in years and smile again, be inspired again. And find yourself better placed mentally and emotionally to Stand as you chose to.

Until next time;

Stephen

Stephen Hart

Picture from Angela; thank you.

Make Big Mistakes

I train and coach a lot of people and I love it when they make mistakes. True learning is to be found in mistakes and I do beleive that there is no failure only feedback.

Unfortunately many people are raised in a culture of ‘being wrong equals being bad’. For example how often have you heard parents tell their children that ‘they are stupid’ when the child gets a sum wrong? When that happens the child is being personally criticized and labeled for making a technical error at an activity.

How much more constructive would it be if the child could have the error pointed out as just that, an error,  a mis-calculation which is not a reflection on them as a person but rather a flaw in a skill they are developing and a useful sign post as to how to develop their skills further.

Now because most people have grown up or grow up in the environment of “being wrong equals being bad” there is an inbuilt resistance to admitting mistakes or perceived failure because the person does not want to feel bad about themselves. It is a form of suppression.

That is why it is such a strong personal development point to embrace the notion that mistakes, like failure, are an event not a person.

In addition I would advocate that mistakes are an inherent part of the learning process for any activity. When I completed my NLP Practioner training I was told to go out and “make big mistakes” because from those I could learn how to get better. It was one of the best and most freeing pieces of advice I have ever received and I have endeavored to put it into action!

I now run a section in both my personal development courses and my sales courses on the benefits of mistakes and how to be brilliant by making big mistakes. It is liberating for the individual and benefits everyone.

So what ever you are doing in life make big mistakes and learn great lessons!

Until next time;

Stephen

Stephen Hart

The Truth Will Set You Free

Money. It’s an interesting thing. Have you ever felt it has a life of it’s own? That it ebbs and flows seemingly of it’s own accord resulting in you thinking, “I’m sure I just got paid, where has it all gone?”

If you have felt like that or had those thoughts then let me assure you that you are not alone!

Just last week I was working with someone who was very stressed about a number of issues. One of those was their finances.

I asked if they had a set budget for the month and they assured me they had. Something in the way they said it made me question the validity of their statement and after a few more questions it emerged that they didn’t actually have a set monthly budget but rather, had more of an understanding of what bills they had to pay.

I offered the idea of putting together a fixed monthly spending plan where everything would be anticipated and accounted for. Their response was swift (and one I have heard before) – “Oh that sounds a bit scary!”

Yes it is scary but here’s the thing, the money will be leaving their account whether or not they write down where its going. At least if they know ahead of time that they are going to fall short they might be able to put a plan together to fix it.

When it comes to financial matters I really do believe that the truth will set you free.

So let’s say that you agree with me. How do you put together a spending plan?

Start with the necessary items, the things that you have to pay. Typically this will include the mortgage or rent, food, heating bills and water.

Next you would list everything else that you are currently paying form; and that bring us to the golden rule of financial management – write everything down.

Every payment you are going to make, every purchase you can anticipate, no matter how small – record all of them.

If the money is going to be spent, then record in advance what it is going to be spent on because, whilst it might be scary, it is better to know how close to the edge of financial ruin you are than to blindly step over it!

Most people get slowly deeper and deeper into debt because they weren’t willing to honestly look at their income and out goings. After all, I doubt you will know many people who maxed out their credit cards in one go, but I bet you do know many people who slowly charged more and more until the cards were at their limit.

So going back to our list what do we have on it?

Fixed expenses followed by optional ones.

Whatever the final figure, the truth is there – staring you in the face, in dollars, pounds or whatever you use for currency. That figure is the truth which you must accept if you are to improve your situation. This is truly the first step towards financial freedom.

My friends, the truth will set you free.

Until next time;

Stephen

Stephen Hart

This is the first post in a series on obtaining financial freedom – in the next issue I will explore methods for helping your income exceed your out goings!

Picture from wiktor1993 with thanks.

Pushing the Envelope

Sixty one years ago today on October 14, 1947 a young pilot climbed into an experimental plane and took off on a flight to achieve something that had never been achieved before…to break the sound barrier.

The prevailing wisdom at the time was mixed with some thinking that the forces would literally rip the wings of the plane or lock the controls up causing a catastrophic and fatal crash.

As it was Chuck Yeager flying the experimental plane the X-1, (named by Yeager “Glamorous Glennis” after his wife) flying at an altitude of 45,000 feet entered the history books as the first man to successfully break the sound barrier.

In the years that followed he, and others, continued to fly further and faster and even now there are pilots and aerospace engineers striving always to ‘push the envelope’ (as they say in the aviation world) and go faster and further.

Because those people did that, because they strove to do the things that haven’t been done before they achieved more and they learned more. After all the benefit is not always in reaching the goal but the wisdom that is learned along the way and we could all benefit from more wisdom!

I know specifically how I will, for myself, push the envelope today and yes it’s a little scary and it’s a little unnerving and I welcome that. Because when it is done, when the attempt is made and whether I succeed or fail, I will have pushed my personal envelope out further than it has been before and I welcome whatever that brings.

So I invite you to consider a simple question;

“What personal barriers can you exceed today?”

What can you attempt that you haven’t done before, what target could you set that you haven’t reached  before or what action could you take that you haven’t taken before.

Or in other words…

How far can you push the envelope today?

Until next time;

Stephen

Stephen Hart

Killer Confidence

A family member recently took up kickboxing. Not perhaps the first hobby you would expect a non -exercising, late thirties, housewife to take up, but hey expectations are such limiting things!

I had expected this to be a violent and aggressive activity when in fact the opposite is the case. Since joining their class they have experienced only support, guidance encouragement and tolerance from all. The lessons promote discipline, self awareness and respect for others – all noble virtues.

The real surprise to me though has not been that my expectations about martial arts were wrong  or that this person wanted to do a martial art, although that did take me back a little at first, but rather the incredible benefits they have already begun to realise from doing it.

They have told me in no uncertain terms how confident and positive they feel after attending just a couple of sessions. It being autumn at the moment it’s quite chilly in the evening and after a long day looking after children I know they don’t always want to go out into the cold night and drive half an hour to the dojo.

Yet week in, week out they have done it and every single time they have come back both exhausted and happy! The troubles and cares of the day wiped away by the rigorous exercise.

Now a short term gain in positivity might be expected from a good work out but the thing that I find fascinating, and what I want to share with you, is that this person is finding the effects lasting. They have spoken to me of how they are gaining a new perspective on life. A perspective that is positive and empowering.

They have described how since taking up kickboxing they have realised that previously in their life they have lived as a victim. Not in big dramatic way but in lots of small ways that have truly limited and curtailed their life. For example they would let the comments of friends or enemies, seriously affect their self esteem and self image or they would hesitate to make decisions because of concerns about what other people might say.

All are very common limitations that so many of us place on ourselves. So the brilliant fact is that now, after only a couple weeks of kick boxing, the person describes themselves as ‘independent’. The opinions of others matter only to the right extent and they feel free to take the decisions they want to.

All in all, for this person, taking up a martial art has been an enlightening and life changing decision. They feel fitter, healthier and independent. Three great ways to feel.

So I present the thought that if you are looking to develop killer confidence and independence then consider taking up a martial art – or indeed any other hobby that inspires passion and a good workout!

Until next time;

Stephen

Stephen Hart

Following on, following through

One of the most common flaw made when people are learning to play golf is failing to follow through properly.

‘Following through’ in golf is literally the part of the swing after the club has struck the ball. The ball has, a fraction of a second earlier, gone sailing off into the air, and the club simply continues to swing through empty air.

Yet the fascinating thing about this is that if the follow through isn’t done properly the ball won’t go where it should.

It’s almost a moment from science fiction where a future event affects a current event – time travel on a golf course!

Now if you consider my blog “Ideas are not Enough”, ( http://edenchanges.wordpress.com/2008/09/08/ideas-are-not-enough ) and think about those decisions that you might have considered and even started to take since reading that how many of them have you seen through fully? How many of them have you completed and indeed how many decisions did you miss?

In golf it’s all about intending to follow through, indeed planning to follow through. This affects everything from the players stance, their muscle tension and their mental expectations.

In life it’s the same. Have the intention to see things through, planning to do them completely even when it seems you will be simply swinging through the air and not making a difference. This is what enables people to achieve great things.

Until next time;

Stephen

Stephen Hart

PS I am indebted to a friend of mine James Moorhouse for the ideas that became the article above; thanks James.

PPS The graphic is an example of work by Jules Bonnet. with thanks.

More can be found at: http://jules-bonnot.deviantart.com/gallery

Changing the world

How do you feel about the world right now?

Are you happy with the global state of affairs or does international conflict, the threats to the environment or global injustice touch your conscience?

On a more local scale would you have people be more polite, more thoughtful or more positive to each other?

If you are nodding as you read those lines with the thought that ‘Yes; sometimes I wish for those things’ then you have a simple challenge if you are genuinely serious about making a difference in the world. Y

our challenge is this – how do you turn the idea into action. More specifically; how can you influence other people to make a positive change in the world?

It might sound like a very big question yet the answer is remarkably easy and the really beautiful thing about the answer is that you personally have the power to put it into action.

So what is the answer? Well it’s this – whatever change you want to see in the world you need to first adopt that change for yourself. For example if you want people to be more polite then be more polite yourself. If you want people to recycle more then make sure you recycle more.

As I said it’s a very easy answer and one that you have the power to implement. Simple yet potent in it’s potential.

Another powerful aspect of this answer is that you can act on it immediately. Simply consider, right now, one way in which you would like the world to be a better place and resolve to do more of that yourself from this moment on.

This philosophy works on three levels. First by changing your own behaviour you have changed the behaviour of one person on the earth immediately.

Secondly, and this is where the big impact lies, you will start to influence those people around you. Humans are ultimately pack animals and we adopt the characteristics of those around us. When you start to act in a certain way people will see this and start, sometimes slowly ,sometimes quickly, to adopt your patterns and behaviours.

The third level that this works on is an internal level because if you genuinely apply this philosophy as you go through life you will realise how powerful you are. Rather than complaining about others you will evolve and grow into someone who sees something they want to change and then someone who does something directly about it.

I don’t know about you, but knowing that I have the power to change the world makes me feel pretty good!

Be the change you want to see in the world.

Until next time;

Stephen

Stephen Hart

Active Evolution

Evolution

~ a process in which something passes by degrees to a more advanced or mature stage

I’m a big fan of the show Heroes (good acting, complicated plotting and great cliff hangers how could I not like it?) and one of the central themes is evolution. In the show certain people manifest new physical abilities for humans, literally evolution in action. It got me thinking about us biologically normal people and whether we could evolve and develop.

As you can imagine I believe the answer to be a resounding yes. The thing is you have to make it happen. You have to take command of the present to ordain the future. Let’s say for sake of argument that you are not the person that you dreamed about being when you were younger or even last week! What can you do about that? Well frankly whatever you want to do about it.

You can chose to accept your (self determined) shortcomings or you can chose to grow and evolve into something closer to the person you wanted to be.

I can give you the guarantee that if you chose not to pursue your dreams and ideals then you will not reach them. I can also guarantee that if you do pursue them then you will get closer. You will become more of what you want to be. In short you will evolve into the next version of yourself. And I’d love to see that happen.

So let me end with a question: Peter Petrelli in the first episode of Heroes stood on a roof edge and had the faith in himself to step off (he believed he could fly). What, (metaphorical) roof edge do you have the faith to step off?

Until next time;

Stephen

Stephen Hart

Taking life less seriously.

“The best thing you’ve ever done for me,
is to teach me to take my life less seriously.”
Indigo Girls

I was extolling the importance of my job and the necessity to take it seriously to a guest at a dinner a few years ago when the guest I was speaking to started to smirk. I asked what was funny and he asked what was the worst that could happen if I got things wrong.

At the time I was a headhunter and I talked about career’s being ruined and the devastating effect on the person’s family etc. After puffing myself up with the importance of my role and how dire the consequences of getting it wrong it occurred to me to ask him what he did for a living.

He was a heart surgeon!

Naturally I had to concede his role had graver (no pun intended) consequences and we got to talking about that. He told me how as a young doctor he had been given a brilliant piece of advice which he always held to. That advice was to not take things too seriously and always maintain a sense of humour. The reason for this he had been told was that if he took himself or the role too seriously he would more likely stiffen up either mentally or physically and thus be more likely to make mistakes.

Naturally being a heart surgeon he had to treat his job with respect and care yet in his experience combining that with a good sense of humour was vital for success.

So this week don’t forget the power of humour to oil the wheels of success!

Until next time;

Stephen

Stephen Hart

I was feeling the blues, then I met a man with no shoes.

Imagine the scene; a cold winter’s morning in Chicago in 1920. The snow is falling as a business man is walking to the train station to board a train for a job interview. Whilst he had dressed as well as he could his coat was several years old and did little to keep the cold out and he knew his suit had seen better days.

This job interview was, he felt, his last chance to find work in Chicago and if he failed he would have to move out West and try his luck elsewhere.

As he was went to cross over the road to the station he saw a scene which he credited with changing his life. Coming along the sidewalk towards him was a man in a wheel chair in a winter coat that was tucked under him and showed that clearly the man had no legs. “Morning there. Beautiful day isn’t it.” The man said with a smile as he wheeled past the business man.

The business man was speechless and stood in the snow marvelling at a man who, despite his disadvantages, could be so positive about the world.

Over the years that followed the business man told the story many times and spoke often of the lessons it had taught him. For him not only did it say something powerful about having a positive attitude it also said to him to appreciate what you do have.

That lesson was relevant in 1920’s Chicago and it is relevant today where ever you are. How many great things do you have in your life to have appreciation for? How much can you accomplish with what you already have? If you are reading this then you can see, you can read and whether at home or work you have access to technology that millions are denied.

In the hurly burly of today’s world with constant advertising from companies and corporations it is easy to be discontent. Being happy can be no harder than taking a moment to appreciate how many things you already have.

So how many things do you already have to appreciate and what can you achieve with them?

Until next time;

Stephen

Stephen Hart

“Never give up, never surrender!”

“Never give up, never surrender!”

A few years ago I was on a plane flying to the beautiful city of Seattle from England. I was on one of those planes with the neat mini television screens set in the seat in front of you. I flipped through the available channels, saw a film on the listings that looked like fun and slipping the headphone on I settled back in my aisle seat to enjoy the movie.

Minutes into the film I started to laugh. First a chuckle, then a contained laugh. I tried to suppress my laughter due to the other passengers on the plane but it got worse. Soon I was crying with laughter, tears streaming down my face as I doubled up in my seat with convulsions. People started looking at me funny and I realised I was the only person on the plane laughing! In a quiet moment of the film, as I wiped the tears from my eyes I glanced puzzled at what they were watching as it seemed inconceivable to me that they wouldn’t be laughing just as hard as I was.

They weren’t watching what I was. Definitely their loss.

At about the half hour point I gave in and laughed and chuckled through the rest of the film as quietly as possible but still loud enough to draw some odd looks from the other passengers…hey what can I say – the film was funny!

So what’s the point of the story? Is it “walk your own path”? Or “Be respectful of others”, or “Humour is good for you”? Well all good points but not where this is going. You see the film was a sci-fi spoof – literally a Star Trek spoof called Galaxy Quest. Now as such it had a heroic Captain Kirk type figure who’s motto was “Never give up, never surrender!” And that’s the point of the story…well that’s the point of the blog, the point of the story was to make entertain you as you read it – picturing one man crying with laughter in the centre of a plane whilst everyone else looks on bemused not knowing why he is so happy! (Watching with headphones remember on my own mini tv)

So for this first blog on blogger I have chosen “Never give up, never surrender!” as the motto. For here is a truth for you, no matter what you want to do in life, no matter who you want to be, as long as you don’t give up and don’t surrender to the objections and obstacles of the world then you will triumph. Consider how many marvellous things that have been created, how many wondrous inventions given life and how many lives bettered because people kept going.

So dear readers it is good to laugh at films and equally it’s brilliant to “”Never give up, never surrender!”

Until next time;

Stephen

Stephen Hart

PS This was posted on my blogger site before I moved to wordpress.

Only Books

Only Books

The story I am about to relate happened about seven years ago and is as clear today as when it happened. It was a bright summer’s day and I was strolling down a high street doing a little window shopping with my fiancée when we saw a woman walking towards us with a young boy, about six year of age, in tow. Because the pavement was narrow at this point, my fiancée and I stepped back and waited for them to pass us. As they passed the boy made a move to go into the shop in whose window we had been looking. The woman, his mother I guess, pulled him back by the arm saying, “You don’t want to go in there. It’s only books.”

And that is the phrase that has echoed in my head these seven years hence. “It’s only books”…now she was right as it was a bookshop the boy had tried to enter so it was indeed only full of books. Books on business, on sales, on poetry, on love, on war, on indeed every topic that has delighted or plagued mankind since the dawn of time. The findings of the greatest thinkers, poets and dreamers recorded for the benefit of all of us so that we might succeed where others have failed, triumph were others have been defeated and maybe laugh when others have cried.

So once the woman and boy had gone up the street my fiancée and I went into the bookstore and what did we come out with? Only books – or an armful of adventure, entertainment, and learning. And that was fine with us.

And seven years after that story took place let me ask you a question; when was the last time you read a book that could help you with your career, your personal life or your financial freedom? When did you last read a book to make you think, to challenge your beliefs or to stretch your mind? When was the last time you took a lesson on business, or sales or life directly from one of the experts in those fields?

Or are they ‘only books’ to you too?

Until next time;

Stephen

Stephen Hart

Small Steps

“As we become drunkards by so many separate drinks,
so we become saints and authorities and experts
by so many separate acts and hours of work.”

William James

Consider where you are in life. Are you the person you wanted to be when you were younger? If you answer the question in a negative way then consider how it would be to change. How it would be to honestly evaluate and consider how far short you have fallen of what you are capable.

And take heart because William James was right. And if you are not the person you wanted to be, if there is indeed a difference between what you dreamed of and what you have achieved then that short falling was done slowly one small slip at a time. And no matter how big the gap might be now you can cross it one positive step at a time.

It doesn’t matter how small your steps are as long as you take the steps and take them in the right direction.

Until next time,

Stephen

Stephen Hart